ENFJ

对ENFJ类型的人来说，最重要的是人际关系和与别人交流的机会。ENFJ人有很强的领导气质，有非凡的操纵他人的能力。这种能力主要来源于他们极好的人际交往技巧和销售才能，ENFJ人深信自己的梦想，将自己视为救难者和能人，而往往他们的确如此。

ENFJ人是全方位的学习者，他们视野辽阔，注意宽广。一些人能同时快速地开展好一大串惊人的项目。许多ENFJ人都有极强的企业家能力。

当对ENFJ人进行描述时，我们总会联想到组织能力和决策力。但是他们并不像SJ或NTJ 人一样，能组织好环境或突发困境，他们是对人际交往中的各事件能较好地组织。他们的办公室或干净或杂乱，但他们能比JFP人更快、更灵活地总结（通过感觉）出人们的动机。

ENFJ人了解并欣赏别人。像大多数NF 类型的人一样，他们忽视了自己和自己的需要，而非常关注别人的需要。他们比别人有更少的心理防线，所以当与感觉迟钝的人交往时，经常会有受委屈甚至受骂的危险。所以，ENFJ人比别人受到更大的压力。

理性特质的教育家型（ENFJ）

若你是一个教育家型

在你脑海中经常浮现的一件东西是：感情关系。创造并且维持一段有意义又美好的感情，是你生活中快乐的泉源。不管是和业务上的人士、朋友、家人或情人来往，你都很重视发展一段有品质的感情，并且要确保这段感情一直不断在成长。

当你恋爱时

身为一个外向型的感觉者，你必然喜欢和亲密的伴侣沟通，用言语表达爱恋和温柔的感觉，同时去发觉你的伴侣真正在乎的是什么。

大部分的教育家型喜欢把时间花在伴侣身上；几乎不能忍受对方不在的时候。虽然你可能有很多朋友，但却希望把另一半尽可能地纳入你的社交圈子中。

危机：你对爱人百分之百的情感投入也许会让你觉得超出负荷—因为忙于照料情人的需要，而导致你缺乏精力照顾自己。

你或许会倾向于把事情都看得太涉及私人情绪，因而当你的伴侣说了一些听起来带批评口吻，但事实并非如此的话语时，你会觉得受到伤害。例如说，若另一半纯粹只是想告诉你，你很漂亮时，你有可能会觉得难过，误以为那是讽刺的一击，因为他在刚才的15分钟里表现得爱理不理，你现在觉得他是在对你的外观做有意图的评论，只是为了讨好你。现在争端真正要开始了。

尽管如此，在一段爱情的开始之初，你的爱人是不会做错任何事情的。虽然你在很多领域有敏锐的洞察力，但当谈到爱情时，还是会抱着一种“觉得一段感情应该如何”的理想观念坠入爱河，纵使真实的面貌可能和想像的有很大的差异。

在感情慢慢进展时，你会开始期待对方无条件地付出，以同等的忠贞和坚贞不渝的爱情来对待你。若你认为对方没有给你同等标准的关怀和支持，你会用一种很直接、有时也许不太愉快的方式传达。

你的最佳恋爱类型

若你是一个女性教育家型

你会和男性教育家型，或是恰好相反的男性冒险家型(ISTP)，拥有美好的关系。与他在一起，你可能享受真实的刺激(泛舟、攀岩、飙车或是初学者阶段的蹦极)，同时，你将感受有史以来最尽兴的生活。

若你是一个男性教育家型

你可以和女性教育家型、记者型(ENFP)或是哲学家型(INFP)相处得不错。

你也可以和与你相反的冒险家型(ISTP)拥有成功的关系。冒险家型脚踏实地的务实特质，会使你不致于和真实生活脱节。同时，她轻松、随兴的个性又可以在你被那些“人际问题”困扰时，平抚你的情绪。

宝拉是一个工作勤奋的49岁的公司训练师，她是一个教育家型。在她前夫过世后，她对那些和她交往过的男人感到厌烦：他们都是一些有权势的公司高层，而且比她更加忙乱，并神经过敏。

在她妹妹向她介绍恋爱类型方法之后，她决定改变她的约会计划。

“当我开始研读恋爱类型系统时，我发现我真正需要的另一半，其实是与我相反的冒险家型(ISTP)。我需要的是一个不会经常跟我竞争的人，一个可以帮助放松的人，他可以随兴地带领我过着无忧无虑的生活。

“有一次我的车子因抛锚而送修，我遇到了我的爱人。我利用恋爱类型方法和那个可爱的客服部经理聊天。他的名字叫雷克斯。在询问了他几个问题之后，我知道他就是我的理想冒险家型。

“当他邀请我和他一起骑摩托车出游时，很意外的，我答应了他，而我很庆幸自己赴了这个约会。我度过了一段非常棒的时光，我们现在已经同居两年了，我们的关系一天一天地在成长。”

若你的理想情人是一个教育家型

在哪里可以遇到一个教育家型情人？

你可以在企业界、教育界和政府机关的领导阶层中找到教育家型。他们拥有非常好的社交手腕，并且很容易接近。

要找寻你的教育家型，你可以试试以下场所：

*政治行动委员会

*教会领袖团体

*一个专属单身族的社交晚餐联谊会

*大型书店

*慈善委员会和地区积极主义团体

*自我成长座谈会

*口才训练社、国家演讲社和其他言论团体

黛丽雅，一个女演员，在她当地的口才训练社里，遇到她教育家型的男朋友安德鲁。口才训练社是一个演讲社团，团员轮流发表演说，同时接受其他会员的批评。口才训练社似乎是遇到领袖型人物最好的地方。

当黛丽雅第一次见到安德鲁时，她立即被他闪烁的蓝眼睛、波浪形的棕色头发和强健的体格所吸引。安德鲁是一个教育家型，同时他也是一家公司对500强大企业的培训师。除此之外，他响亮、充满雄性魅力的声音更让她难以忘怀。

在好几次会议中见到安德鲁后，黛丽雅称赞他的演说功力。他们两人都发现与对方交谈是一件非常舒适愉快的事。黛丽雅和安德鲁于是决定，到附近的一家餐厅去一边喝咖啡，一边继续他们的谈话。

6个星期后，黛丽雅和安德鲁仍然在一起聊天；只不过，现在他们聊天的话题，是如何共建一段婚姻和生活。

你可以在任何人们为了重要原因聚会的场所找到教育家型，不管是为了要掀起社会改革、改善工作表现或是增进生活品质。去那些知识分子运动正在进行，或是人类成长潜能活动正在兴办的地方，将可以轻易地找到教育家型的人。

如何与一个教育家型情人约会？

让他或她教你一些什么。教育家型对众多题材都有意见及知识。他们可能是艺术、宗教、政治、时事、心理学或企业管理的专家。你可以询问一个教育家型以上任何一项相关问题，然后静待他倾囊而出的信息。

*约会锦囊：欲言又止地吊胃口技巧。

一旦发现你的教育家型伴侣最感兴趣的话题，你可以对他或她说以下的话：

“我有一些关于最新艺术表演的事情想告诉你，但是我现在没有时间。这是我的名片，打电话给我吧，我们可以另外安排一个时间再好好聊聊。”

由于教育家型很讨厌没有结束的事情，他们会想要把一段谈话完结。他们会很想尽快再与你见面，以便知道你答应要告诉他们的究竟是什么。你可以建议在一个特定的时间共进晚(午)餐以继续讨论，这样一来你可以满足教育家型对圆满的需求，二来也可以让自己有机会多了解对方。

诺顿是一个30岁的公司经理，他成功地利用吊胃口技巧来接近他未来的妻子，伊凡娜—一个现年29岁的漂亮心理学家。

“伊凡娜到我们公司来进行一场员工关系的讲习会，但是我无法专注于她所说的话。我全部的注意力都在她低沉*的声音、使人被催眠的蓝眼睛和有光泽的金发上。当她述说着她个人在美国公司的挣扎奋斗时，我意识到她拥有我的理想恋爱类型—教育家型的特质。我知道我必须认识她。

“在她做完简报后，我鼓起全部的勇气告诉她我正在进行的压力管理工作。她对我说的话很感兴趣，但我没有给她太多相关的信息。我要挑起一个教育家型对完结的需求，同时让她知道我稍后随时准备回答她的问题。

“两天后她打电话来了，我们见面并去喝咖啡。一开始时，我们聊着公事，但我很快地就把话题转到我们彼此身上。

“在与她交谈后，我不仅肯定了自己最初的假设，她确实是一个教育家型，同时也发现我们两人有很多相似之处。我们都刚刚离婚，我们都疼爱小孩，我们都是热忱的专业人士，在生命中背负着一个神圣的使命—教育别人在人格上和专业上该如何成长。

“我们的咖啡约会延伸至午餐、夜游、最后坠入爱河。现在我们已经快乐地结婚了，并且拥有两个可爱的小孩：艾伦和詹姆斯。”

如何赢得教育家型情人的爱？

别让你的教育家型情人吃醋。确实有些教育家型的情人有很强的占有欲且会容易吃醋。为了避免发生问题，当你跟一个教育家型约会时，避免过度注意其他具吸引力的人。

虽然教育家型在很多领域上是很有信心的，但是他们在爱情关系中却会感到不安全。他们要永恒不变的保证，包括言语上和行动上的，请表现出对他们的关心。给予教育家型他们渴望的注意力和言语上的关爱，他们会以慷慨的温暖和爱恋回报你，让你觉得仿佛是世界上最受人关爱的人。

*恋爱锦囊：与教育家型情人约会时要准时。

作为一个果断者(J)，他们要求准时，同时要求你遵守排定的行程。当你违背他们对准时的期待时，教育家型有时会用尖刻的言语让你知道他们对你的不满。

假设你准时抵达，然后再陪他参加戏剧表演、音乐会、心理学座谈会、政治性辩论或其他类型激发心智的娱乐，将会留给教育家型的情人一个良好印象。

你得让教育家型情人从你眼中看到他的无条件付出得到认同，甚至是崇拜。

如何和教育家型情人拥有美好的性关系？

教育家型喜欢在床上说话。他们喜欢用甜言密语灌溉他们的爱人：“亲爱的”，“宝贝蛋”和“小甜心”都是他们习惯用来表示亲密的言语，这些话语都会在教育家型情人*时，从他们的嘴巴中冒出来。

和其他直觉型的人一样，教育家型对*的想像往往会把他们带离现实，他们很有可能陶醉在自己的幻想中，享受着想像中的*，远超过实际的*经验。

**锦囊：给喜爱沟通的教育家型情人

一个性幻想的作业。

告诉教育家型情人你想要听一个他最喜爱的性幻想，之后你再和他分享一个你自己的故事作为回报。

这样的做法可以引起你的教育家型情人对想像的喜爱，同时也激起他想要分享亲密想法和感受的强烈欲望。当夜晚来临时，你们将一起演出刚才讨论的幻想，也许比想像中还要刺激。

虽然教育家型情人通常对他们的伴侣都很敏感，当他们感到不满足时，他们也有可能会直接说出来。当这样的事情发生时，教育家型情人并不是在批评；他们不过是坦白地和他们的伴侣沟通，让彼此可以共同创造两个人都满意的性生活。

如何和教育家型情人维持一段长久的关系？

教育家型情人的爱情是很炽烈的，他们不会羞于告诉他们的伴侣内心的感受。因此，当教育家型情人觉得他们的感情被伴侣的言语或行为威胁时，教育家型情人会很自然地表达他们受伤或生气的感受。

同时，由于他们的情绪反应，教育家型会把冲突和否决看得非常严重，不管这是事实或只是他们以为如此。这样的结果造成他们很容易被伤害,而且怀恨许久。

从正面的角度而言，教育家型相信婚姻，他们会是极富爱心并且愿意付出的配偶。同时，他们也是很有魅力的，和他们在一起是一件愉快的事。不仅如此，教育家型也常常可以激发他们的伴侣，带领他们的伴侣到达爱情和快乐的巅峰。

当你遇到正确的教育家型情人时，你将沉浸在那种被爱、被取悦、有支持和关注的幸福感觉中。

The Giver

As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

What does Success mean to an ENFJ?

ENFJs are motivated by external human situations, primarily by other people; their talents, their needs, their aspirations and their cares forming the world in which an ENFJ lives. They thrive when able to "make things right" for others, to enable and empower their co-workers, friends and family through valuing their human strengths and abilities. When gifted with the added ENFJ ability to intuitively adapt their feelings to the way they are affected by others, the ENFJ has a positive drive to find co-operative pathways leading to the best possible outcome for all, including themselves. Success for an ENFJ comes through involvement in the process of making things happen for people; through the accomplishments and satisfactions of those they have helped to enrich the human world with greater value, and through finding that their efforts on behalf of others have fulfilled their own life as well.

Allowing Your ENFJ Strengths to Flourish

As an ENFJ, you have gifts that are specific to your personality type that aren't natural strengths for other types. By recognizing your special gifts and encouraging their growth and development, you will more readily see your place in the world, and be more content with your role.

Nearly all ENFJs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:

• Making others feel valued and important
• Quickly seeing the positive and negative aspects of a human situation
• Expressing their feelings clearly
• Offering loyalty and commitment to partners, family and work mates
• Trying to always find the solution which works for everyone
• Encouraging humour and self expression in others
• Finding ways to help others fulfil their needs
• Affirming positive community values
• Naturally falling into leadership roles within their community

ENFJs who have developed their Introverted Intuition to the extent that they can see the possibilities within their perceptions will enjoy these special gifts:

• Understanding and empathising with the feelings of others; realizing "where they are coming from"
• A talent for creative expression which can turn ordinary things and situations into something magical
• An enhanced feeling of connection with and sensitivity toward the world around them.
• The ability to see many facets of a problem and the many ways it might be resolved for the best.
• The ability to make creative and valuable use of time spent alone.
• Openness to the spiritual connections between all things.
• They become increasingly creative, visionary and empathetic, and are therefore effective and kind managers of businesses, people, and various situations that life presents.

Potential Problem Areas

With any gift of strength, there is an associated weakness. Without "bad", there would be no "good". Without "difficult", there would be no "easy". We value our strengths, but we often curse and ignore our weaknesses. To grow as a person and get what we want out of life, we must not only capitalize upon our strengths, but also face our weaknesses and deal with them. That means taking a hard look at our personality type's potential problem areas.

Most of the weaker characteristics found in ENFJs are due to their dominant Extraverted Feeling overvaluing what they see as objective values in the external world and thereby judging too much by the needs of others, or by appearances. This is primarily due to the ENFJ having not fully adapted their Introverted Intuitive function sufficiently for them to be able to discern the vast range of ways in which they might be being missing the underlying needs within themselves and being misled by such appearances. The ENFJ naturally looks outward to find value and satisfaction, and whilst it is essential that this direction be taken to fulfil their primary needs of relation and comfort, without the supportive balance of a well developed Intuitive function, ENFJs can overvalue the external world to the point where they lose sight of themselves, becoming fixed in their judgements about people and the world. In such cases, the ENFJ will tend to live in a rigid - and to others, somewhat surreal - world of definite values which often seems "overstated" or obsessively connected to other people or human situations.

Explanation of Problems

Nearly all of the problematic characteristics described above can be attributed in various degrees to the common ENFJ problem of wanting to find the "proper" value in everything. If the ENFJ does not learn how to see beneath the appearance of what they quickly judge as good or bad about the people and situations in their external environment, they will only use their introverted intuition to support those judgements they feel are good for them and disregard not only other possibilities but their own quality of inner life as well. The consideration of these less obvious possibilities and their own needs requires that the ENFJ recognize that their own value judgements are indeed subjective, and that it is not appropriate or effective to apply them across the board to all civilized people. The practice of standing back and looking objectively at their own value system is not something that the ENFJ is accustomed to doing; trying to avoid abstract rationalisation of problems and the feelings they engender is a natural survival technique for the ENFJ personality. The main driver to the ENFJ personality is Extraverted Feeling, whose purpose is above all to find and discriminate the values in people and human situations. If their ability to find a specific and worthy value in a person or situation is threatened, the ENFJ shuts out the threatening force. This is totally natural, but unfortunately the individual who exercises this type of agenda protection regularly will become more and more rigid in their judgements and expectations of people, but even less concerned with the effect such conditions have upon themselves. Where the unbalanced ENFJ does acquiesce to the images of intuition, these will generally be skewed to support the subjective agenda of dominant Feeling. In this way they always find justification for their determinations and their self sacrifices to people, things and situations, and they will be unable locate the reality of another's true feelings, nor be interested in discovering that their seemingly objective judgements miss the reasons and subjectivities underlying both their own and others lives or worldly situation.

Petulance, pensiveness and a sense of being let down by others can often be the end result of this one sided approach to the world, whilst if the ENFJ is in a strong company or relationship position they might become driven to manipulate others and situations to conform to their own feeling needs and value judgements, irrespective of any true value to the situation or for the other persons involved. In this case, the "big picture" valued for its great worth to all, becomes a dominant drive which seeks to blot out or crush any opposition by claiming the moral high ground, even to the point where the ENFJ sacrifices their own life to the "cause". The inability to recognize the plethora of subjective possibilities their feelings bring into their lives strip the unbalanced ENFJ of their access to both a deeper connection with others and the possibility of refining and developing pathways to the kind of self understanding and self nurturing their finer judgements might otherwise lead them to.

Solutions

To grow as an individual, the ENFJ needs to focus on paying attention to their inner images. This means they need to be open to the possibilities that lie beneath their judgements and values, rather than just accepting the appearance of values which accord with their sense of rightness. The ENFJ needs to understand that developing their ability to see the subjective possibilities within themselves and others does not threaten their ability to make correct judgements, but rather enhances it, and enhances their personal chances for achieving a measure of success in their lives.

The ENFJ concerned with personal growth will pay close attention to their motivation for accepting values that come to them. Are they trying to see the background of circumstance behind their own and others value judgements, or are they trying to maintain their own image of how things "ought" to be? The goal is to find a balance between what seems correct and valuable and the many possible ways in which such a judgement might be subjective and not necessarily the best for themselves or a situation. Obviously, this is not entirely possible, but it is the exercise to keep in mind. They need to see the many divergent images of values and their conflicts which affect them, without feeling threatened, and without losing their sense of what is right and wrong.

Living Happily in our World as an ENFJ

As can be seen from the above, some strongly expressed ENFJs can have difficulty fitting into society. Their problems are usually due to their Extraverted Feeling function being so dominant that they are so strongly bound to what they see as objective values that they cannot relate to the world except via the objects of their feeling. In such cases the intensity of their judgements can actually drive others away from them, and the resulting lack of close relationship felt as a personal failing for which the ENFJ feels guilty. Such guilt can drive even more strongly affective behaviour which leads the ENFJ to ignore their own needs entirely, or it can become a negative drive to manipulate others to conform to their one-sided vision of the world. The ENFJ who consistently tries to see the underlying possibilities and the scope available in each situation will be able to see the right path to take with each person and situation in their life. This will always lead them to toward closer relationships, happiness and great achievements.

The key to personal growth for the ENFJ is competent execution of Introverted Intuition. Because it is often hard to define what this represents subjectively to each person, here are some action-oriented suggestions that will help lead you down the path towards more effective use of the Introverted Intuitive function. Specific suggestions:

1. When confronted by a person or situation which seems to be rejecting or rebuffing your value judgements and your mind filling with all the arguments, images and alternatives to the situation, look closely at those you are immediately rejecting as negative or unsuitable ways to proceed. Within these images often lie paths to understanding and agreement if you look more closely. Some of these images hold the key to seeing another's feelings and point of view more clearly. Remember, what seems positive to you may not be everything or even important to another.
2. Behind everything of value that you see lies much potential. Try not to be satisfied with just a good result, but let yourself imagine the ways in which a person might fulfil all their creative aspects; the ways in which a situation might become useful to many more than just what it was made for. Try to imagine everything as a source of untapped magic and creative power - let your mind see all the things it might become. Above all, apply this exercise to yourself, as if you were seeing yourself in a mirror: just as you would another person whom you love.
3. When you are alone try to become fully aware of how it feels to you, try to recognise the emptiness as a place of potential, try to imagine what you might be able to do for others in this empty time, try to realise that you are not truly alone but with this special person who is yourself. What would you do for this person if you could make their private world a better place?
4. Everything wonderful in life proceeds from the qualities which lie behind it. You can feel these things, these drives and attitudes which seem to come from a place outside, perhaps from the creator expressing himself within people and nature. Letting the sense of these background qualities permeate your drive to life will give you purpose and meaning. Allow yourself to feel the meanings and purposes of the world, let them become a valuable gift which can be expressed in your dealings with others and in the things you strive for.

Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve ENFJ Success

1.     Feed Your Strengths! Make sure you have opportunities to involve yourself with others in situations where your input is valued.

2.     Face Your Weaknesses! Realize and accept that some traits are strengths and some are weaknesses. By facing your weaknesses, you can overcome them and they will have less power over you.

3.     Express Your Feelings. Understand that your feelings are as important as others are in the overall situation. Without your feelings and needs being valued the best result is not realised, so value and speak to your own feelings as much as you value those of others.

4.     Make Decisions. Don't be afraid to have an opinion. You need to know show others the qualities and potentials you can see are worthy of action.

5.     Smile at Criticism. Try to see why disagreement and discord indicate the differences between people, and use this as an opportunity to make your value judgements useful for growth, because that's exactly what they are. Try not to feel responsible for another's criticism, but try to hear it and understand the feelings and images it engenders within you. Then you may see a path not only to agreement but to a shared and truly valuable end.

6.     Be Aware of Others. Remember that there are 15 other personality types out there who see things differently than you see them. Most of your problems with other people are easier to deal with if you try to understand the other person's perspective.

7.     Be Aware of Yourself. Don't stint your own needs for the sake of others too much. Realise you are an important focus. If you do not fulfil your own needs, how will continue to be effective and how will others know you are true to your beliefs?

8.     Be Gentle in Your Expectations. It is easy for you to see the value in others, but stressing this too much can drive them away. Try to show that you understand their fears and limitations and lead them gently to see how you feel: lead them gently into understanding and love.

9.     Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself by feeling that your values are lost upon others - they are not. Perhaps it just has to sit with them too. Let the situation resolve itself and never stop believing that love is the true answer.

10. When in Doubt, Ask Questions! Don't assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback. If you need feedback and don't have any, ask for it.